In a world increasingly dominated by consumerism, where the pursuit of what we don't have takes center stage, it's no wonder that our approach to love has been influenced by this desire for acquisition. The concept of love in modern culture often raises an interesting questions: What does it mean to find love, and what does it mean to be loved? Many people confess to understanding how to give love, yet struggle with loving themselves. This paradox raises an essential inquiry: How can one recognize the love they seek without having experienced it personally?
Our societal narrative frequently emphasizes the desire to be loved. People yearn for a best friend, a partner to navigate life's challenges, someone who provides what they lack independently. This longing often manifests in the search for a 'better half,' a notion that inadvertently implies incompleteness without this significant other. But what criteria define this elusive other half? How do we know when we've found them, and what will they contribute to our lives that signifies their vital role?
In a culture obsessed with self-validation, love has arguably transformed into the ultimate measure of worth. The status of being engaged, married, or associated with a group often overshadows the genuine pursuit of compatible companionship. This societal pressure can lead to compromising decisions in relationships, such as giving ultimatums, remaining in unfulfilling partnerships, or hastening into parenthood with partners you eventually drift apart from. This tendency might stem from viewing others as a means to fulfill a personal narrative of self-identity. Can one truly love another for who they are if they are more enamored with the idea of who they could become with that person? And does the identity of the partner matter as much as their willingness to fit into the narrative we believe we deserve?
Reflecting on personal experiences, I once believed that I loved others despite a lack of self-love. However, I now recognize that what I offered was not genuine love but rather an expression of my desire to be loved in return. This approach prevented me from seeing people for who they truly were, focusing instead on what they could offer me. This realization dawned upon me when I recognized that my love was conditional, dependent on how well others met my expectations or loved me in the way I desired. Once these conditions were not met, my affection waned.
The journey towards unconditional self-love marked a turning point. It revealed the conditional nature of my acceptance of others and helped me recognize the love others were offering, which I had previously been unable to accept due to my inner shortcomings. While material needs are straightforward, with clear solutions, intangible needs like love are more complex. Many of us are influenced by cinematic portrayals of love, expecting to recognize it instantly when it arrives. While some may be fortunate enough to experience such a serendipitous encounter, for others, love may not be a matter of chance but rather a journey of self-discovery and intentional understanding.
Perhaps for those not blessed with serendipitous love, the path involves learning to love oneself unconditionally, understanding personal needs, and loving others in the way we wish to be loved, devoid of expectations. This self-love might be the key to unlocking the love we seek, transforming our approach from a search for what we lack to an appreciation and acceptance of what we already possess.
I love the shows: Love Is Blind, The Ultimatum, and 90 day fiancé as much as the next, but the quest for love in a consumer-driven culture is fraught with misconceptions and unrealistic expectations. The journey to finding true love might very well begin with a journey within, understanding and loving oneself unconditionally. Only then can we hope to find and recognize the love we seek, not as a commodity to complete us, but as a complementary addition to the wholeness we already embody.
